Wow! Summer does go by quickly. But here we are; time to shift gears for the start of the fall season and, for many, the return to regular work, school, and college. Here at ITI-NJ, we hope you had a wonderful summer, filled with relaxing and memorable experiences shared together with your family and friends.
For those parents who will be preparing their children for a return to school, let's focus on the importance of nurturing and developing a culture of “teamwork” between parents and children to help this transition go as smoothly as possible.
As members of a team, each person is assigned roles and responsibilities to accomplish during a set time frame. The assigned roles should be fair, reasonable, and appropriate to each family member. For example, children may be assigned the responsibility to get themselves up, dressed, and finish their breakfast by a specific time. Since most children are very fairness-minded, emphasizing the importance of fairness often helps them to better accept and fulfill the responsibilities assigned to them. Moreover, when they fall short on fulfilling their responsibilities, emphasizing the principle of fairness often leads to more productive discussions and outcome on these issues.
A second recommendation I make to parents is to try to avoid yelling, coercion, and power struggles whenever possible. These parenting approaches tend to create resistance, resentment, and delay in children rather than the desired behavior of cooperativeness and collaboration. Instead, I typically recommend parents work to provide patience, encouragement, assistance (when needed) and efforts towards collaborative problem-solving. It may also be helpful to set aside a separate time to problem-solve situations (like getting out the door on time in the morning, completing homework in a timely manner, etc.) Sitting down with children and figuring out solutions together (when you are not in the midst of the problem-situation) provides everyone with opportunities to brain-storm ideas and develop better solutions. Moreover, when kids contribute their own ideas to such plans you may garner a greater degree of “buy-in“ from them as to whatever solution is reached during these meetings.
Parents can help children prepare for the return to school by establishing a sense of teamwork and agreeing on fair, reasonable responsibilities. Discussing expectations in advance, creating consistent routines, and helping children take an active role in preparing for school can make the transition smoother. When parents and children work together toward shared goals, children have opportunities to develop responsibility, cooperation, and problem-solving skills. Parents who would like additional support with parenting challenges can explore parent counseling at ITI-NJ.
A helpful approach is to plan for common morning difficulties before they occur. Parents and children can discuss challenges such as getting dressed, finishing breakfast, and leaving the house on time, then work together to develop realistic solutions. Assigning clear responsibilities and agreeing on a reasonable schedule can help everyone understand their role. When children contribute ideas to the plan, they may be more willing to follow through.
Teamwork helps children understand that family members share responsibilities and contribute to common goals. When expectations are fair and appropriate for a child's age and abilities, children may be more willing to cooperate and accept responsibility. A teamwork approach also creates opportunities for parents and children to discuss problems constructively, rather than relying on conflict or power struggles.
When children resist responsibilities, yelling, coercion, and power struggles can contribute to resentment and further resistance. Instead, parents can try responding with patience, encouragement, and assistance when needed. Discussing the problem at a calm time and inviting children to help develop a solution can encourage cooperation. Emphasizing fairness when expectations are not met can also lead to more productive conversations about responsibilities and consequences.
Parents can make time to listen to their child's concerns, acknowledge difficult feelings, and work together on practical solutions. Some children may need additional help managing anxiety, behavioral difficulties, social challenges, or other concerns that interfere with school and everyday life. ITI-NJ provides therapy services for children and teens to help address emotional, behavioral, social, and developmental challenges.
Consider seeking professional support when a child's anxiety, behavioral difficulties, learning concerns, or social challenges persist or interfere with everyday functioning. A mental health professional or educational specialist can help parents better understand the difficulties and explore appropriate ways to support the child. ITI-NJ also offers Information & Self-Help resources to help parents better understand psychological concerns and explore possible approaches to addressing them.
In our work with children, couples and adults, we strive to meet the needs that everyone has for validation and support while helping them to expand their self-awareness and the range of skills they employ to work out solutions to the problems they face in life. Our mission at ITI-NJ is to improve psychotherapy outcomes for all clients and families in the communities we serve and to provide excellent, quality care with compassion and respect for all we serve.
Visit our Therapy Services Overview page for more information.
